My Boyfriend

This is me and my boyfriend, Balu at our most recent show last month. He is an absolute star and I love him very much. I've had him for nearly 10 years now and and he's taught me so much. He's always done his absolute best to please me and I'm very attached to him, so why am I thinking about ditching him?
It's very complicated and I can't decide what to do. I've worked really hard on getting him and myself fit enough to compete again, but now were doing it I've suddenly realised that I don't have the same enthusiasm as I had for competition before I had a baby. I don't think it's nerves, although I did have quite a bad fall before Christmas which made me think, it's more that it just seems like such a huge amount of time, money and effort to get to a show and then it's fun but not that amazing. So I've been thinking about giving up. The thought of all the money I would save and the extra time I'd have is very tempting but then I look at this picture and realise how lucky I am. There are not many people who have a lovely horse like this that they can load up in their own trailer and take to show and be confident that they can enter a class and have a fair chance of coming away with a rosette.
So I don't know.
There are also some other factors, such as that he is not really happy at home here with just the pony for company. I also don't have a school here and I don't enjoy hacking him that much so keeping him fit in the winter was a nightmare. He's much happier at livery in Shaftesbury but it's too far from here to drive more than twice a week and pretty expensive too.
So I don't know.
Obviously the best thing to do financially is sell him, but he is 14 years old now and does have a bit of arthritis so I'm not sure that would be all that easy. Also it might just break my heart.
So I don't know.
We're also trying for another baby which obviously means no riding for a while and I'm not sure that if he had another year off I would ever get him fit again. It was a struggle this time what with foot problems and arthritis issues.
SO I DON'T KNOW.
I think my best option would be to try and loan him for a year. If I could find the right person who I trusted then maybe they could carry on having fun with him and he might just have some fun too. I'd feel like I was abandoning him to a stranger but then maybe he'd be better off with someone who had more time for him.
SO I STILL DON'T KNOW.
Am I being pathetic? Am I being selfish? Am I being totally self absorbed? Answers on a postcard or better still in the comments please!

Comments

Mandy - It's Katherine! Thinking of selling him...Nooo! Never thought I'd see the day! I hope you and James are well, and Emma too!
It's been a while, my email is katherineskaife1000@hotmail.com - would love to hear from you! Katherine xx

Mandy - It's Katherine! Thinking of selling him...Nooo! Never thought I'd see the day! I hope you and James are well, and Emma too!
It's been a while, my email is katherineskaife1000@hotmail.com - would love to hear from you! Katherine xx

[Lauren]

Hi Mandy

How are things?

Lovely to be able to see what you are up to these days!

Will hopefully see you next time I am at Di's.

Lauren x

[Lauren]

Hi Mandy

How are things?

Lovely to be able to see what you are up to these days!

Will hopefully see you next time I am at Di's.

Lauren x

[ajb101]

Hey guys. Nice to hear from both of you. It always gives me a shock when I realise other people read this! I must post more frequently. I'll be in touch, hope to see you soon.